The Dilemma of a Writer...

My thoughts fly way faster than my hands.

But my pen can't keep up.

My fingers can only type so many words at a time in this uncooperative keyboard.

My thoughts,

they flow like a river inside my head and my hands are too small to catch up.

My thoughts occupy a piece of me but only for a while,

before I can even lift a finger to start typing it, it's gone.

I'm too late.

I missed the chance to tell the world my story,

I missed the chance to inspire my friends,

I missed the chance to let them see the way I look at things,

or to let them know I feel the same way as they do.

I missed it..

Because my pen failed to catch my thoughts down..

and my mind went blank again.

Smile For Me

Smile for me.
Yeah. That's just what i need.
No holding hands.
No cheesy lines.
Just a clinging stare.
Silent and assuring.
Inspiring and hope giving.

Laugh with me.
Yes, as simple as that.
Just give me a reason to enjoy life.
No warm embrace.
Nor promises of forever.
Just the sound of your laughter.
So soothing.
So uplifting.


Dance with me.
Yeah, like children do.
Just give me something to keep today.
No room for expectations.
No space for what ifs.
Let's just enjoy things this way.
So comforting.
So stirring.


Stay with me.
No, i won't ask for you to say you will.
Just smile for me. Laugh with me.
Dance with me.. That's enough. The thought of you is enogh.
So calming.
So consoling.
So you..

November 2010

The Walking Diary

If a diary could smile when I start my note with an endearment..

If a diary could hear the sweetness in my voice when I say, "dear diary.."

If a diary could hear my angry words and forget it.

If a diary won't wash away the ink when they taste my tear.

If a diary understands when the ink blots and I still couldn't get myself to write.

If a diary would keep a picture of my boy in its head, memorizing his face with just my words.

If a diary has an arm that consoles me.

Or has a feet that walks beside me.

But it doesn't. it wouldn't. and it couldn't.

So I guess I might say, YOU are better than any diary.

Because you light up when I start to blab with so much energy.

you try to keep up no matter how fast i talk.

you let me put my head on your shoulder when I can't find my tongue.

you know all the details and yet won't remind me if I don't want to.

you let yourself get wet with my tears.

you have arms that slap me, or push me, or nudge me.

you have feet that jump, or walk, or run with me.

you listen not just with your ear but with your heart.

Because you acknowledge my feelings, no matter how repetitive, or sorry it might be.

So maybe I won't be able to keep a diary.

I have journals with empty pages inside it,

but at least i know that I can keep you.

and there's no empty pages in our story.

So maybe I won't have to tear a page and burn it,

when my diary reminds me of things I'd rather forget.

but at least I can look at you, yeah that stare that says, "shut up!"

and you will keep your lips pursed until next time.

-January 2011

So maybe I won't hear my diary complaining.

When I'm busy outside just playing.

But at least I'll hear, "keep in touch!"

Or maybe I'll get some slap when I forgot.

Maiintindihan mo ba?

Maiintindihan mo ba?

O baka naman...

Hindi naman sa..

Pero..

aaaahh!

Hindi nga?!..

Maiintindihan mo ba?

Kasi, wala naman akong ibang hihingin.

Hindi naman ako magpapalipad hangin.

Hindi naman siguro ako mahirap intindihin.

At hindi rin naman kita sisisihin.

Kasi, iniisip ko kung alam mo na.

Minsan ba nakikita din yun sa mata?

O sa galaw ko kaya?

Ang hirap kayang wag ipahalata!

haha. sabihin ko na kaya?

para mas masaya.

Pero teka, maiintindihan mo nga ba?

Kung sasabihin kong masaya kang kasama.

Kung sasabihin kong...

teka, higit pa yun dun!!..

sandali, ano bang mas tama..

mahirap lang talagang humanap ng salita.

Na pwedeng tumugma.

Hindi naman to sobra.

Wala naman akong balak magmaneobra.

Sakto lang.

Saktong masaya lang.

Saktong andyan ka lang.

Teka, pwede bang wala munang assuming?

wag kang mag-alala, hindi naman ako demanding.

wala naman akong ibang hiling,

kundi ika'y maging...

*yikkeeeeeee.. :))

Haha! Naiintindihan mo pa ba?

Pero feeling ko naman matalino ka.

At may mga bagay talagang hindi ko kayang ilagay sa letra.

Pero subukan ko munang simplehan pa.

Masaya lang talaga ako pag andyan ka. :)

April 2011

I am not in love with you...

I am not in love with you.

At least not yet.

But it's like keeping waters from spilling over,

when I perfectly know that the walls already have cracks,

breaking down, somewhere that only I can see.

I am not in love with you.

At least not yet.

Although standing next to you brings me so much more.

And your stare can bring me into this awkward silence.

And your silence can bring me so much anxiety.

I perfectly know, I am not in love with you.

But to keep myself from falling for you,

is like holding on to an invisible rope.

It's only a thing on my mind.

And it takes so much more strength to keep holding on it.

I am not in love with you. At least not yet.

I just know that every second you spend closer to me,

brings me an inch closer to falling for you.

So let's just keep our distance.

Let's keep our hands on our sides, no matter how I wanna hold you close to me.

I desire you.

I desire to be a part of you and who you are.

I yearn to be someone who can see through you,

someone who can understand you despite your silence.

But I know I can't.

At least not yet.

So let's just keep our silence.

If you can only stop yourself from laughing,

or you can hide away your face when you smile,

please do.

Because those things.

It brings me closer to you.

It makes me want you more.

And I can't.

and I shouldn't.

So let's just say.

I am not in love with you.

At least not yet.

But you...

You are someone I have all the tendency to fall for.

But someone who has the power to hurt me without even trying.

So let's just take things as they are. For now.

Let me see you everyday.

Then let's just deal with anything that comes our way.

Maybe one day it will all make sense.

Then, I'll take you as you are.

A face.

Just a face.

That I am almost in love with.

April 2011

Flickering Lights

She's turning 21 this year,

she'll be earning her degree in no more than a month.

She's in the middle of making decisions about her future.

She's open minded, a little liberated.

She's single.

She's sometimes, or rather most of the times, emotionally unstable.

She's loved. She can't doubt about it.

She's the youngest.

She's not that used to responsibilities.

She's almost independent. Always on the go.

She lives the way she wants to.
She's impatient and too far from being compassionate.

She's turning 68 in no more than three months.

She's a mother for thirteen, and a grandmother of sixteen.

She's funky and smart, strong, and faithful.

She's a widow.

She cooks, take care of the laundry, tends to everything broken.

She lives simply.

She loves knowledge and wisdom.

She laugh and dance and sing a lot.

She lives for her children.

She stays at home. She loves it there.

They are two important light.
When the other goes off, the other one shines.

They are two different woman.

When the other go north, the other one goes south.

They are two wonderful part of the house.

When they're together the men of the house can't be more grateful.

But too much of being the light of the house.

Now it's flickering.

The other light light is so new, she doesn't even know how to shine.

The other one's a little old, and wonders when He will turn it out.

There's nothing but a flickering light.

And it's a little dark.

In the middle of this storm

I wonder, when will their home shine again.

It's Raining again....

It's raining again..
but only in your place.
here, in a place where I choose to bury my roots,
I just survived a storm.
I just gathered all that is left for me.
I thought I lost it all but here I am,
alive.
I thought of celebrating it with you,
I thought of your embrace giving me warmth after the cold rainy nights..
But it's raining again.
Now, it's in your place.
I want to run to you,
to cover you against the storm.
and hold your hand as the water slowly drown all that you are.
I want to love you til the sun shine again.
or maybe we'll watch the dark clouds,
and hear the thunders roaring,
but silently we'll thank the Lord for having this special gift,
to be serene and calm despite the rain.
to be strong and faithful despite the uncertainty of tomorrow..
to be with each other despite the hardships.

But it's raining again..
and I can't be where you are..


As I look up I called out for the clouds,
and the lightnings and thunders,
and the raindrops as tiny as my tears began to fall..
I smiled despite it all..
for at least, if I can't be with you tonight..
at least I know we're still moving under the same sky..

It's raining again..
even in my place..
just like where you are..


Smile.
Smile for me..
for when this storm stop,
I'll be somewhere near your place..
drowned with your laughter,
freezing with your stare..